I went to the Peak district artisans show last night and the Young Artist of the Year award was on and I thought if only I hadn't had to go through such grief to realise my dreams and had just got on with the job of painting why do so many of us wait till we are middle aged ?īut some of us do and maybe we need to experience what life with out art is before we fully commit to it. I decided that I wasn't as good at the things I had been doing as I am at the things I want to do so my logic was when I got out of that hospital things would change.
My baby didn't even wake up didn't have a life at all but hopefully his donated organs brought happiness to others, we are awake and we can do what we want to a certain extent. I quote it to ladies at the check out to friends who want to make a life change its a fatalist view point I know and not always a good idea but overall its true. My motto is 'You only live once' and I quote it often to anyone who is moaning about not dare eating chocolate or having mayo on their chips anyone who is struggling with perceived pressure to paint what others want. Because thinking life is meaningless is a road not to go down believe me!
But incorporating creativity into my life saved my life. Now I am slighty overweight! (the downside to living each day like its your last!)īut who cares about that what matters is I am living the life I choose as far as I can obviously winning the lottery would improve things. The stress Id put on myself to please other people and fit in with their ideas. I thought of all the years I had dieted and ate only lettuce leaves to get into my cool rock chick outfits! The missed opportunities to eat lemon drizzle cake and enjoy the small things. I remember laying in hospital watching daytime TV and listening to the fashion updates on breakfast TV saying I had to be wearing this or buying that and I thought how utterly meaningless it all was. My story is no different its just my story and while I have an official line that I moved to Australia and couldnt get the job I had been doing (which is true) it wasn't until I had a still birth eight years ago today that I knew I had to live each day like its the last. Then one day something life changing happens that puts everything into perspective and they realise that time is so short we are not here for very long and while we are we must do what we can.
Most had some notion that being an artist was what they wanted to do but daily life paying the bills and doing the right thing stopped them fully embracing their talents. Ive met a lot of artists and we all have stories to tell, its amazing how so many have turned to art in their darkest hour.
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